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So, as I am sure you are all aware by now (or maybe you aren't) Ray Lewis told the Ravens he is going to retire after this season. Yes, surprise surprise, Ray Lewis is trying to sneak his way back into the ESPN cycle he has been out of since becoming injured and irrelevant. Just couldn't wait till the end of the season Ray Ray could ya? Nope. Now, I know what you were all thinking, "wait, I thought Ray Lewis has been serving his suspended jail sentence from when he murdered that dude." Now, that's what I was thinking as well, but when I doublechecked on Wikipedia, I learned he somehow beat that charge. I know, it's crazy, you would think if someone was an accused murderer who got off on a technicality, a Disney company (ESPN) would not glorify his every move. But, you know, Ray Lewis PUMPS PEOPLE UP. He is so motivating, just such a good person to his core....kill me now. Ray Lewis is the fakest of the fake. Watching those huddle and locker room pump up speeches has just become comical in recent years. And you know what, when I first heard the news I was pumped, figuring I would never have to hear another one of those while the announcers do everything possible to shove his (assumed) giant cock in their mouths. BUT, then I had a horrifying revelation. Ray Lewis is going to work for ESPN. They are going to make a segment where he yell-whispers what "he would do to get this team pumped to win." Now, this segment will not just be limited to football. This will be every sport. Basketball, Baseball, Hockey, fucking Women's Basketball. IT WONT MATTER. THEY WILL KEEP SUCKING HIS DICK UNTIL IT FALLS OFF. We are all fucked. The Mayans were right. The world is over. I hate my life.

As always, follow me @CultOfBelichick or check out my page here: http://www.nepatriotslife.com/search/label/CultOfBelichick



CultOfBelichick 1/02/2013 01:49:00 PM Edit
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