Fantasy Football is a funny little game allegedly created in 1963 by a limited partner in the Oakland Raiders named Wilfred "Bill" Winkenbach, former Raiders PR guy Bill Tunnell and a reporter by the name of Scotty Stirling. Anytime you combine a wealthy owner, a headline grabber, a headline creator and a bottle of whisky "brilliant" ideas are bound to spring up. Thus, 50 years later, that's how The Greater Oakland Professional Pigskin Prognosticators League turned into this frustrating game we devote more time and energy to than it actually deserves.

Raise a glass to Bill and the boys and let's take a look at the five up/five down from Week 3 in Fantasy Football.

Five Up

1. Sunday's Crown Royal Reign On Player of the Day: Drew Brees, 32.78 fantasy points: Brees completed 29-of-46 passes for 342 yards with three touchdowns and one interception in the Saints win over the Cardinals. Who Dat? That's the sound of your fantasy team losing if you faced Brees this week.

2. Antonio Brown, 31.60: The Steelers wideout had nine catches for 196 yards and two touchdowns as Brown did his best Lynn Swan impersonation without actually winning anything.

3. Cam Newton, 30.42: Newton threw for 223 yards, three touchdowns, one interception, and had seven carries for 45 yards and a fourth TD. When I mentioned Cam as a possible MVP candidate this year you mocked me. Now Superman is back and you're the one with Jimmy Olsen blues.

4. Jake Locker, 28.76: Locker passed for 299 yards and a touchdown, rushed five times for 68 yards and another score. When I mentioned Locker as a possible MVP this...wait, there's not enough Crown Royal in Manitoba to make me say that.

5. Geno Smith, 26.64: Smith had 331 yards passing, two touchdowns, two interceptions and ran in another TD. Geno outscored Rodgers, Brady and Ryan and I just threw up in my mouth a little at the thought of actually adding a Jet.

Five Down

5. Colin Kaepernick, 5.00 fantasy points: Kaepernick completed just 13-of-27 passes for 150 yards, zero touchdowns, one interception and a fumble. Kaep's play Sunday was almost as good as his acting in those Mickey D commercials. Man, he makes Flacco look like De Niro.  

4. Eli Manning, 5.60 points: Peyton's little brother was 12-of-23 passes for 119 yards, an interception and was sacked seven times. Somewhere Cooper Manning plays Tecmo Bowl, eats a Hot Pocket and says, "Dad, I could do that!"

3. Mike Wallace, 2.20: Wallace caught just two passes for 22 yards. That's only two more than an actual dolphin caught Sunday. 

2. CJ Spiller, 1.00: Spiller managed 10 carries for nine yards, one catch for one yard and one ice pack on his knee. Pick up Fred Jackson now, I'll wait. *twiddles thumbs, looks at watch, downloads midget porn on bosses computer*

1. Daryl Richardson, ZERO: Richardson reinjured his foot on the very first snap of the game. I stubbed my toe getting my very first beer of the game. It took many more to make me forget I started D-Rich over T-Rich. You guys got any Advil?

Have a fantasy question for The Guru? Find him on Twitter @TheGuruGS 

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The Guru 9/23/2013 05:54:00 AM Edit

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