Fantasy Fix: Sunday Wrap - 5 Up/5 Down

Our fake football season is coming to an end, my Fantasy Fixers. There’s just three more weeks of roster manipulating, waiver wire watching and family ignoring before the battle for the Shiva begins.

Sunday was another interesting day in the NFL, as a waiver wire wonder went off, three QBs were sent to the bench and God tried to intervene in Chicago. His holiness does not like the Ravens.

With only one game remaining in Week 11, let’s run down Sunday’s Fantasy studs and duds by position.

FIVE UP 

1.  The Crown Royal Reign On Player of the Week: Bobby Rainey, RB, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 34.70 fantasy points: Rainey exploded for 163 yards on 30 carries and caught two passes for four yards. The Bucs back was also raining touchdowns down on the Falcons as he poured in three. Sorry, I’m done with the rain references. Were you one of the four people to start Rainey this week? I tip my turban in your general direction.

2. Ben Roethlisberger, QB, Pittsburgh Steelers, 31.88 points: Big Ben completed 29-of-45 passes for 367 yards and four touchdowns. Roethlisberger was so pleased with his performance he took three Hooters girls out on a “date.” He’s still trying to wash the pepper spray out of his eyes.

3. Calvin Johnson, WR, Detroit Lions, 29.90 points: Megatron caught six passes for 179 yards and two touchdowns. Unfortunately, he did all that in the first half as the rest of the Lions left at halftime.

4. Cincinnati Bengals, DEF/SP, 27.00 points: The Bengals returned a fumble for a TD, had three interceptions, four sacks and blocked two punts – one for a score. It’s a good thing the Bengals have a D, because Andy Dalton threw for 93 yards. Gingers should not play quarterback.

5. Dan Carpenter, K, Buffalo Bills, 16.00 points: Carpenter connected on three field goals and four extra points in the game. Carpenter’s field goals all came from 40-plus yards away. A kicker with 16 points? Kicking outside? In Buffalo? In November? I have questions. But none of them have to do with kickers.

FIVE DOWN 

5. Nick Folk, K, New York Jets, 2.00 fantasy points: Coming into the game Folk had been one of the best kickers in the game. Today he’s just another Jets fan cursing Geno Smith.

4. Andre Ellington, RB, Arizona Cardinals, 1.30 points: Ellington rushed eight times for three yards and had two catches for 10 yards. He did all this against the Jaguars. The Jaguars. Your grandma could get at least four yards against that defense. She’s damn quick on that Rascal.

3. Jordan Reed, TE, Washington Redskins, 1.20 points: Reed had one catch for 12 yards, saw his team down by 20 and said my head hurts. Way to play the concussion card, Jordan.

2. Emmanuel Sanders, WR, Pittsburgh Steelers, 0.20 points: While Big Ben was throwing the ball all over the place, Sanders was resting comfortably in the locker room with a foot injury. Can’t play football without the foot part. That’s science.

1. Geno Smith, QB, New York Jets, -0.88 points: Smith completed 8-of-23 passes for 103 yards, three interceptions, and a lost fumble. At least he didn’t butt fumble.

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