Fantasy Fix: Championship Start 'Em and Sit Ems
Cue up “No Easy Way Out” from one of those Rocky movies or any other cheesy musical montage meant to inspire, it’s Fantasy Championship time. By the time the weekend is complete, you will be raising that fake football trophy high above your head, basking in fantasy glory as confetti rains down upon you and the neighbors wonder why you’re in the driveway without any pants.
No one understands.
After countless hours of stat studying, 15 weeks of chronic rosterbating and months of family ignoring, it all comes down to this: *cue “You’re the Best” from Karate Kid* The Week 16 Start ‘Em and Sit 'Ems.
**Disclaimer: Please know your humble-but-nonetheless-handsome Guru isn’t stating the obvious here. You own Peyton Manning, Megatron and Jamaal Charles, you start ‘em. You don’t need my turban to tell you that.
Start ‘Em
Quarterback
Kirk Cousins, (WAS) at DAL: Pinning your championship dreams to Andrew Luck (too inconsistent), Matt Ryan (the ice has melted) or Alex Smith (you know it’s the Jamaal Charles show, right?) is some risky business. Sorry you lost Aaron Rodgers two months ago, but now is the time for a bold move. Starting Cousins would be a bold move. Cousins gets a Cowboys D that has given up the most fantasy points to opposing QBs this year. Be bold or go home or something like that.
Running Back
Jordan Todman, (JAC) vs. TEN: Did your team lose AP, MJD or DMC? Roll out JT of JAC and win the MVP. Are you high on PCP? No, I am not disembodied voice of the Fantasy Junkies. You know I prefer bath salts. But here’s three reasons to start him: 1) Todman faces a Titans run D that has given up the most fantasy points to running backs the last five weeks. 2) Tennessee are the second worst team against fantasy RBs on the year. 3) I forget the last point as the bath salts are kicking in.
Wide Receiver
Corradelle Patterson, (MIN) at CIN: The Vikings will have no running game if Peterson is out, they will be down by 30 points at halftime and garbage points count in our fake football game. Patterson is getting the looks – nine targets last week – and can score from anywhere on the field. Love this guy in Dynasty Leagues, really like-like him on Sunday.
Tight End
Delanie Walker, (TEN) at JAC: I’ve been pumping Walker’s tires all season, then he went down with something called a concussion. I forget what that is exactly as I’ve taken too many blows to the head. However, Walker is back and put up nearly 12 fantasy points last week. If you own Jordan Reed, Jordan Cameron or Jordin Sparks, you know the tight end cupboard is bare. Bold prediction: Walker will outscore Jimmy Graham this week. I’m really high.
Defense/Special Teams
Cleveland Browns at NYJ: Have you been riding the Carolina Panthers defense all year? Do you trust them and your championship dreams against the New Orleans Saints? Me either. Grab the Browns vs. the New York Turnover Machines. And when you win that fake football trophy think of me and caress it lovingly.
Kicker
Phil Dawson, (SF) vs. ATL: Phil Dawson is a kicker. He kicks balls. Let him kick them on your team this week.
Sit ‘Em
Quarterback
Andrew Luck, (IND) at KC: Luck has scored less than 20 Fantasy points in five of his past six games. The Colts QB has also been unlucky outdoors, scoring 20+ fantasy points in just two of 11 career outdoor games. Pretty sure Kansas City is outdoors. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
Running Back
Steven Jackson, (ATL) at SF: The 49ers have not allowed a 100-yard rusher all season. The 49ers have not allowed a rushing TD in their last four games. Jackson plays the 49ers on Sunday.
Wide Receiver
Marques Colston, (NO) at CAR: Colston has been pretty, pretty, prettygood lately and he burned the Panthers secondary a couple of weeks go for two TD’s. They won’t let that happen again. The Panthers secondary has allowed just one wide receiver to score in its den this year and that was back in week one. Bust alert.
Tight End
Heath Miller, (PIT) at GB: The tight end position has been a tough one all year. If you don’t own Jimmy Graham, you have likely ben playing TE roulette all season. Don’t load Heath Miller into the chamber, you’ll blow your seasons head off.
Defense/Special Teams
Carolina Panthers vs. NO: The Panthers defense has averaged nearly 12 fantasy points this season. In their worst game of the year they scored only one. That game was against the Saints. Let me double check the schedule, hold on… *returns 9 hours later* Sorry, went to seeThe Hobbit, yup, the Panthers play the Saints.
Kicker
Garrett Hartley, (NO) at Carolina: Is Garrett Hartley on your roster? How’d you get into the finals? Hartley was released earlier this week and is the new assistant manager at Chik-fil-A. Congrats.
Good luck in the championship! Don’t miss the Guru this Friday night on “The Fantasy Junkies Live” on BlogTalkRadio from 9-11 pm ET
