Ahhh the sweet, sweet taste of undeniable victory. It took 7 weeks to get it, but it’s here and it tastes like cinnamon toast crunch. The beginning of the game had me a little worried. A scoreless first quarter had me prepared for the type of game that feels like taking a shot of thumb tacks. Fortunately the entire Falcons organization has Patriots PTSD.
BEST WEEK EVER
Our lord and Savior. Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr. Realistically I could pretty much pick TB12 for this accolade every week, but this one felt particularly special. He just felt like he was on. Maybe it was the fog. Every time he stood there calling his audibles I felt like I was watching Mel Gibson in The Patriot.
Tom Terrific was 21 for 29 with 249 yards and 2 touchdowns. The yardage was lower than usual, but this was one of those games where he didn’t need it. The defense was standing strong, so Tom just needed to score the killer blows precisely and finish them. You know Tom is in his element when he’s making throws like this.
Just a perfect ball. That’s either a tuddy or nothing. Thrown where only Sweet Feet could catch it. This was a game where Tom shared the wealth. Catches from 7 different receivers, three of which were over 50 yards total. My favorite part, however, was how active he was. Stepping up in the pocket, avoiding sacks, and extending plays. We got a couple vintage “LET’S GO!!!” calls from Tommy, and that to me is a sign of when he’s loving this game.
WORST WEEK EVER
Do you think Dan Quinn thinks about the Patriots every single night before he does to bed? It would be hard not to if you were in his shoes. I picture Dan Quinn in my mind as one of the people from Final Destination. How can you possibly go about living your life when you know Bill Belichick is out there in the world waiting for you? It’s much safer to lock yourself in a padded room for the rest of your days.
The Patriots defense came into this game giving up 300+ passing yards to every opposing QB all season, and having the worst ranked defense in the league. Their high paid free agent corner Stephon Suckmore…wait sorry, Gilmore, and slot corner Eric Rowe were both inactive with injuries. With all of that, Patricia and the defense held Matty Ice to just 233 yards and a garbage time 7 points. (That was a MAN tuddy by Julio, however. Looked like a parent taking a toy away from a petulant child.)
Every play call Dan Quinn and Steve Sarkisian tried to toss our way, the Pats had an answer for. Who would have thought that Malcolm being supported by Johnson Bademosi and Jonathan Jones would absolutely slam the door in the Falcons face? Those guys, helped by Chung and Dev, played stunningly well. Sticking with routes, wrapping on tackles, and jamming receivers all game. The Pats DBs had Dan Quinn looking like a frustrated gentleman in the bedroom after a night of too much whiskey.
The real emasculation for me came on 3rd and 4th down. The Falcons went a measly 3 for 12. The amount of wind sucked out of that team could have sailed a ship across the god damn Pacific Ocean. After the second 4th down stop they should have just gone home. Recognize utter humiliation when you see it.
It got so bad that some of Dan Quinn’s players were proposing the idea that the Patriots were responsible for the fog at the stadium. We’re not talking about some special teams hardo. We’re talking about all pro receiver Julio Jones. Listen Julio, I get it. The Patriots ruined your life. You had the bowl locked up, and then you idiots let Tom back in the game and he took it from you. Now you’re forced to come back and have your pants pulled down and get spanked by the man who metaphorically killed your whole family and made you watch as he stole your puppy and ate your supper. But be better than this. Take a science class for me one time.
What’s worse is that Dan Quinn was probably thinking the same thing. When you’ve had your manhood stripped, and you’ve been beaten into submission so badly, you start to look for something…anything to blame. Even if it’s futuristic fog creating muskets…
**Official David Harris snap count through week 7: 26!!!!
**Weekly “Are we sure David Harris is alive??”: Signs of life!! He may just make it after all!!