The Dolphins are who we thought they were. Meanwhile, Kiko Alonso and Ndamukong Suh shouldn't be allowed to play football anymore

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The Fins got the BODY from the Ravens last night in another of installment of "This Isn't football!" on Thursday nights. When I was picking games in one of my fantasy leagues this week my thought process went something like this: 'The Ravens are a horrible football team who can't score any points. You need to score points to win. For this reason, I will take the Dolphins. That's another win for Miami. What is their records anyway? 4-2????!! They are fucking 4-2?? How? They STINK! If I pick them to win this game I'm saying they are a 5-2 football team. And Matt Moore is starting?! There's no way this is a 5-2 team.'

Needless to say, I picked the Dolphins anyway because I am a dumb, weak, man with no moral fiber or mental fortitude. The Dolphins ended up embarrassing themselves in a 40-0 loss on National Television. And by national television, I mean a channel that no one gets. It's so bad they have to simulcast it on CBS and have it stream on Amazon Prime Video.

Anyway, the big story isn't that the Fins are bad. We all knew this. The internet is a buzz about the dirty plays that took place during the game. Let's start with Kiko Alonso. His vicious hit on Cool Joe (not elite) at the end of the second quarter ended Flacco's night with a concussion. It was one of those scary hits where the dude's arms just hover in place like the guy has rigor mortis. You know it when you see it.

In today's NFL the QBs get a ton of protection. Probably too much if we're being honest. Not enough when it comes to Tom, obviously, but I'm talking about the other slap dicks who throw passes in this league. I get that sometimes it's hard to tell when a guy is about to slide or make one more move and all that jazz. But Cool Joe was definitely, no question sliding here and Kiko definitely, no question tried and succeeded to rip his head off. Not a very chill play TBCFHWY.

I can't believe Kiko wasn't ejected. I'm sure there will be a fine. I'm less sure he will be suspended but probably. You hate to see people get injured and these head shots are legit scary. That's straight up years off Flacco's life. Sometimes this shit doesn't feel worth it.

I don't have too much else to say about Kiko. When he was drafted in the second round by the Bills in 2013 he showed up as a rookie and ATE us for 9 tackles in week 1. He would go on to win Defensive Rookie of the Year and I was bummed we were going to have to worry about him for the next decade. Then a year later the Bills traded him to Philly for Shady McCoy. When Shady was informed he had been traded to the Bills for Kiko Alonso, he said "Who the hell is Kiko Alonso." That's a true story. And that's also when I knew Kiko was dead. I no longer had to worry about him. No one kills people like Shady. In 2013 he tweeted this:
Absolute savagery. Knowshon was in the middle of a career year. The very next year? He plays in 3 games total, rushes for 148 yards and 1 tuddy, and has never been seen since. Dude is DEAD. So, yea, Kiko that hit was pretty fucked up. You should probably be suspended. But Shady thinks you're irrelevant and so do I.

Now, Suh, on the other hand, I have a lot to say about. This guy is a SCUM BAG. Last night, with the game thoroughly out of hand, Suh jumped offside and pushed Ravens backup Ryan Mallet (hey what up Ryan?? You get a new alarm clock you moron?) Mallet didn't back down from Suh, so Suh goes full Undertaker and tries to choke slam the guy.

How many times are we going to do this shit with Suh? I feel like every season he's completely out of control, trying to hurt people. The fact that this psychopath still gets a paycheck from the NFL every week is a JOKE. I present exhibits A thru G to the court as evidence.


When does it stop? I'm always terrified when we have to play a team with Suh on it. Not because I think his skill set will do anything to disrupt our offense. I'm pretty sure Tom is 853-0 against Suh teams in his career (number approx.) It's because I'm legit scared something will anger Suh and he will try to kill Tom on the field in cold blood.  I don't know how anyone can respect this guy and there is only one solution.