Three things I need: Week 6

To be quite honest I feel greedy writing this blog. Most of time when I churn out these needs of mine, I expect to get none of them. MAYBE one. For the most part these needs are hopeless desires. Last week I damn near went 3 for 3. I needed a win, we got a win. I needed no busted coverage pass plays, and the secondary had their best game of the season. I needed sacks, and we got 2…Ok I said I wanted 3. But close enough. Oh, and by the way, sacks came from DWJ, and a duo of Flowers and Van Noy. My two boys making noise. You would think that I would take the week off. Enjoy my bounty from last Thursday and accept whatever comes this week. Well you’d be wrong. I’m drunk. I’ve tasted the sweet nectar of my desires and I need more. I’m coming right back to the teat that suckled me until my belly was full.

NUMBER 1. I would love to get some interceptions going on this defense. It was just last week that I was asking this group to simply know how to do the most obvious part of their job…cover opposing receivers, so maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. But I just need that better than sex feeling (or so I’ve heard) of watching the game, and jumping out of your seat and yelling “pick!!”

The Houston game we got a decent pick from Gilmore off a terrible throw off of Watson’s back foot. That was pretty nice. The Harmon pick was a last second hail Mary so that doesn’t count. Then Butler had one on Scam Newton against Carolina, but that game was a loss so it doesn’t have the same feel. I want these DBs to get their swagger back. Start jumping routes and swarming receivers. What I need is a couple back breaking picks that stifle a drive and allow the Pats to get really rolling to a blowout win. Which brings me to my next need…

NUMBER 2. I NEEEEEEED a classic, run the score up win. God damn it, Johnny, that’s what we call a Segway!!!


It’s been a rough rough start to this season. Tom is hurt, we’re clawing our way to wins, and not even sure if we’ll get them. What the hell is this shit? This is not what it feels like to be a Pats fan. Need to get back to the Patriot way, and what better team to do that against than the God Damn Jets.

Who the fuck do the Jets think they are? They’re atop the AFC East. Winning games like complete assholes when their entire fan base wants them to tank. Go home, Jets. You’re drunk. I need this game to be a blood bath. I mean literally. I want Tom’s chin to be dripping with the blood of slaughtered animals. We have yet to have that vintage Patriots game where we put up 28 in the first half, and by the 4th quarter we’re cracking open our 7th or 8th IPA barely paying attention as Tom throws his 5th touchdown pass of the day because the game’s been over since jump street. I don’t want the Jets to see the light of day in this game. Run the score up, pound them into submission, pick them off, and run the score up again. Like the great philosopher Sun Tzu said: When you’re done fucking your enemies, fuck em’ some more.

NUMBER 3. I absolutely need no more drive saving penalties. Enough is enough. Football is a game of inches. I just made that up. Don’t google it. There is NO room for error. You cannot be getting stops on 3rd and long, and giving the opponent a free first down because of a bogus hands to the face penalty, or Bolden going offside on a punt. Those are things that add up and lose you games, Anne Frankly we've seen about 5 straight weeks of those mental errors.

We aren’t the Steelers. There are rules here. This is the type of jackassery that happens to other teams, so it absolutely needs to stop. While we’re on the subject, if Brandon Bolden steps a single toe out of line even one more time we’re going to have an issue. Bolden is a Patriot through and through, and I’ll always have love for him for that. But when he was cut this year, I celebrated. Bill puts a lot of stock into special teams, and particularly guys he can trust there. That is the sole reason Bolden keeps coming back and taking roster spots from guys like future hall of famer DJ Foster. The Great White Buffalo…Bill’s love for Bolden is the only reason he has a head on his shoulders. If he keeps taking drive saving penalties like last week. Expect Bill to look something like this.