3 THINGS I NEED – Week 11
After the shellacking we got to witness last week it’s hard
to sit here and demand anything from this team. But that’s what separates us
from the likes of the bottom feeders of the NFL. Pressure creates diamonds as
they say. So here we go.
NUMBER 1. Absolutely need Malcolm to step his shit up. This
isn’t one that’s been an issue all season. He strung a few really solid weeks
together after a slow start, but last week was a god damn broad jump in the
wrong direction.
I’m not necessarily worried about this game, but despite the
touch and go Raiders this year I believe Carr, Cooper, and Crabtree could make
us hurt if Malcolm is playing like an asshole again. If we line up similar to
last week, it looks like Malcolm will likely be on Crab, and that’s a guy that can
kill you with paper cuts. If Crabtree does what Sanders did last week, then
Malcolm will end looking like he had a run in with Edward Scissorhands.
Hopefully he and Gilmore can learn to exist on the field at the same time,
because if they do all of a sudden this defense looks a whole lot better.
NUMBER 2. I need a Cooks tuddy. I still think that Cookie is
performing a little below what I’ve needed of him all season. With that said,
he’s been reliable and he’s pulling in yards each game. But god damn it would
it be nice to see him take the top off. I feel like he was good for 3 or 4 of
those a season in New Orleans. Cookie has found the endzone 3 times all year,
and as a number 1 receiver that feels a little low.
The things it would do to my nethers to see Cookie find a
one on one matchup slip by the coverage, and then just throw up that hand to
Tom.
That universal symbol that says you just pantsed the idiot
fool trying to cover you, and you’re on the open road to 6 points. Drop one
right in his basket, Tommy. I’m begging you.
NUMBER 3. Considering the fact that the game is in Mexico
City, I’ll be honoring that with what food I eat during the game. So I NEED
some good Mexican dishes. Remember these games are long, so I’m looking for
things that I can space out. I’m a BIG Mexican guy. I’ll eat tacos 5 nights
during the week and not even bat an eyelash. In order to do this right however
I can’t just go back to the well.
The key to a good Mexican meal is to not load up on the
fillers like rice and beans. Those are great sure, but one enchilada plate will
put you out of commission for hours, and we can’t have that. I’m thinking of
starting out with some ceviche. The Lamborghini of Mexican apps. Then get
things going with a couple soft shell tacos. Maybe some barbacoa or carnitas to
warm up the engine. From there we’re
gonna slow things down with some quesadillas to get us through the doldrums
after halftime. Finally, once Tom has thrown his 4th, dare I say 5th
tuddy, we’ll polish the night off with a Chimichanga. Essentially a deep-fried
burrito.
