Best week ever / Worst week ever: Week 10

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Holy shit guys we did it. A blow out win! We’ve been waiting patiently (impatiently) for 10 weeks but we finally got that win that just totally rips the manhood away from a team. To be honest I couldn’t be happier with the team it was done against. FUCK Denver. I have no idea why I’ve always despised them, but I do. I want misery for them at all costs. When Peypey Poopy was there it only made things worse, but even with his departure I still loathe that team. They’ve had scum like TJ Ward diving at Gronk’s knees, cowards like Aqib Talib tail tucking to join them, and waking nightmares like Von Miller tormenting us. (He’s actually just a fantastic player). There’s nothing likable about them.

I’m not the only one who hates Denver. Before last night including playoffs, Tom has a career 3-7 record against the broncos and a career passer rating of 83.1. Compare that to his 95.4 career rating on the road in all other cites and it’s clear that Mile High doesn’t exactly tickle Tommy’s balls.

But last night was truly orgasmic. The first drive ending in a 3 and out had me petrified for another classic game in Denver that feels like inserting needles into my cock. But thanks to a muffed punt by McKenzie, Tom got a second chance and it was hell fire from there out. God damn did that game feel good. Now on to the accolades.

BEST WEEK EVER

There are so many guys to choose from here. Tom, Gronk, Burkhead, Marty Bennett pulling his best LG Blount and swindling his way back to Graceland. But this week the honor goes to DIDI Lewis. 

Mike Gillislee was a healthy scratch this week because...well...he sucks at football. I said a few weeks ago that DIDI officially was back from the dead, and that he solidified his position as the starting back. Well last night he branded his name into the depth chart. DIDI was running with authority, 14 rushes for 55 yards and a tuddy. While he didn’t have any explosions, he was so confident with the holes he hit and always got us needed yards.

The play that made it move was without a doubt the kickoff return. It’s amazing how much a kickoff or punt to the crib can absolutely cripple a team. We saw Jules do it against Denver in 2015, and now DIDI in 2017. It’s the most brutal 6 points to see. Watching DIDI get the sideline and blow past McManus and then simply out man Booker was the happiest I’ve been all season. As Lewis gets more confident with that starting role I expect to see even more monster games.

WORST WEEK EVER

Someone kindly tell me what the hell is wrong with Malcolm Butler?? The god damn roller coaster I’ve gone on with this asshole all season has been exhausting. Through the first 3 weeks this bum was damn near cuttable. Moping around the field pissed off at Dad for paying Gilmore money and giving wittle Malcolm nothing. Then Gilmore revealed that he actually doesn’t know how to cover people, and sat for 3 straight week. In that time Malcolm flourished. He looked like the “Malcolm Go” we all knew and loved. He should have told us not to get used to that.

Last night was legit embarrassing. The first Denver drive we saw Emmanuel Sanders absolutely ROAST Malcolm on an out and up route to keep a drive alive. After wafting in his singed jersey, Malcolm went up to Sanders and gave him a high five. Ummmm what?? Listen, I’m not sure what was said during that dap up, and I’m sure it wasn’t exactly nice things about each other’s mother. But that is unacceptable. The only time that plays is if the next play you literally rip Sanders head off his body and then dance around his lifeless corpse. Unfortunately for Malcolm he proceeded to get rag dolled by Sanders all game. In the third quarter he already had 6 catches for 137 yards. That’s a field day. He was held without a catch in the 4th quarter but let’s chalk that up to the Broncos and Brock being dead.

The issues didn’t stop there. Malcolm continued his humiliation in all phases of the defense. He was taking horrible angles and missing tackles all night. I haven’t seen anything wrap up that poorly since the buffalo chicken wrap at the municipal court house during my jury duty.

**Side note, buffalo chicken wraps suck ass. Never get them. They’re 80% Romaine lettuce and they stink. Buffalo chicken is meant to be hot. Order wings, a buff chick calzone, or make buffalo chicken dip. Anything else is poor people shit, and that includes buff chick pizza.**

Making matters worse for Malcolm was Gilmore actually have a half decent game. I won’t hold my breath because Gilmore is about as reliable as Josh Gordon’s AA sponsor. For some reason it seems like we can’t get the both of these assholes to play well at the same time. Imagine what things could be like if they could figure it out. #TeamBademosi 4 lyfe.

Official David Harris snap count through week 10: 77
Weekly “is David Harris alive?”: Full Jon Snow.