Three things I need: AFCCG weekend

I’m like a rich kid on Christmas after last week. Sure, I didn’t get the turnovers that I asked for, but I did get Tom throwing the ball early and often, and I also got a Jags win. So here we are, headed to the AFCCG as usual, and we’re facing the Jacksonville Jaguars. That is not a typo. This is not a drill. The New England Patriots are one Blake Bortles quarterbacked team away from heading to Tom’s 8th Super Bowl.

I’m not getting ahead of myself. I promised you faithful readers long ago that I would never overlook an opponent, and I don’t plan on starting now. We can’t mail this one in. If we do that we’ll be settled up next to Le’Veon Bell rolling our 15th blunt of the day wondering where it all went wrong. This defense is the real deal, and it’s going to take a full performance to get by them.

NUMBER ONE. I need a LOT of RB activity. I’ve been riding DIDI since week 10 and I don’t have any ambitions to hop off at this point. The guy is a bona fide stud. Last week he carved up the Titans for 62 yards on the ground and 97 through the air. This Jags team is 26th in the league at yards per attempt against the run, so that to me says we should let DIDI zig and zag his way to the bowl all day long. On top of that I want to see our old pal Rex Burkhead back in the mix. Remember him? Give me some 2 back sets and some pony formations to really mess with this defense.

The Jags have struggled big time against offensive sets that have 2 or less receivers lined up out wide. News flash: The Patriots thrive in those scenarios. This season only the Saints targeted their pass catching backs more at 171 compared to the Patriots 143. If this team wants to double Gronk, and give extra attention to Cooks and Hogan, be my guest. Get DIDI, sexy Rexy and Playoff James White running all over the field and this game will be a blood bath.

NUMBER 2. Need a better game from Malcolm. I said in Best Week/Worst Week that I would gladly sacrifice another Malcolm dub for our defense to play like wild animals who have been prodded with a taser for 3 straight days like they did last week. I stand by that, but I also don’t want this to become a thing. The game was over last week on the Titans last drive, but Mariota picked Malcolm apart for an eventual tuddy. I don’t need another week of that as it can be used against us in the bowl. 

Malcolm is a funny player. He came from nothing. He was our Dark Knight. Rising from the ashes of Alabama to become a hero. Then he and his DOUCHE lawyer/agent started demanding money. We showed him this year he can fight for his own relevancy or die in one of the other bum franchises around the league. This season he’s been an elevator. Let’s see him put out a solid performance this Sunday and put the fear into the NFC come Super Bowl time.

NUMBER 3. This one might ruffle some feathers, but I neeeeeeeeed more Brady’s hand rumors.

I’m actually salivating. There is always something with this team during the playoffs. Leading up to Tennessee it was the Doody Brains Seth Wickersham’s “hit piece.” There was an endless amount of possibilities if the Steelers had beat the Jags with Mike Mitchell prematurely trying to get things started. With us facing the Jags I just wasn’t sure how anyone could stir up any for of drama to last us a week.

Then the right hand of God happened. My god has this been delicious. Even the most steel footed Pats fans I know are shitting themselves. I cannot imagine what is going on in the Jaguars locker room right now.

Tom is such an actor through all of this too. Showing up to his press conference today is his bright red glove made me actually cackle. What an all-star move. I have no doubt about this dude’s Hollywood career when he retires after winning his 11th super bowl. The rattle job this performance has done on literally everyone involved has been classic Belichick. This is a master class of shit stirring when it seemed like there was no drama to be found. As for if Brady plays this Sunday and hangs 5 tuddies on the Jags… “We’ll see.”