Patriots-Texans lovefest gets out of control (NSFW)

OK, it is actually safe for work, but with the amount of dick-sucking going on in these quotes, I didn't want you guys getting queasy at work and puking all over your keyboards. So, in that sense, these quotes are not safe for work. Visually safe, yes. Emotionally safe, no.

Herald
“Mayo was one of the best teammates you could possibly have, especially in college, because in college you’re just trying to figure it out, grow into yourself as a human being, as a man,” said Foster, whose 3,942 yards and 39 touchdowns lead all NFL running backs since 2010. “He’s one of those guys that had a plan, and he executed it very early in our collegiate life. He knew what he wanted to do, and you saw him working day in and day out. He inspired me to be a better football player, a better human being just by the way he carried himself. I always tell him that. I always thank him for that.”

“That’s the kind of guy you want to bring around your kids, to say I knew him,” Foster said. “He’s a model human being. He’s a good man. I’ve met his family. He has a beautiful family. It’s fun to be part of a legacy like that because I saw him grow. I met him when I was 17 years old. He was 18. We were young kids. We thought we were men. Now, he’s 26 and I’m 26. We’re both grown men. It’s fun to see the change and the progression and where he’s grown to be. It’s fun to see your friend do good.”
Barf. Now Vince takes his turn on the nob...

Herald
“That’s a guy, when you talk about a team player, he has the heart of a champion,” said Wilfork, heading into Monday’s matchup with Johnson’s Houston Texans [team stats]. “He’s very quiet, doesn’t say much. I just remember playing with him in college, he was always quiet. But he was a fireball on the field. He’d give it his all. He’d play hurt. He’s a tough, tough football player. That’s one thing I always look back when playing with him and seeing him 10 years later in the NFL, still doing it. He has a lot to be proud of.”
Herald
“I mean, they’re the best the team in the NFL. It’s not a big deal for us. We know we have to play well,” said Wilfork. “They’re the best team for a reason. They do a lot of things well. They’ve been in some blowouts. They’ve been in some tough games. They’ve been in overtime. This team has played throughout it all. They’ve seem to rally around one another. That’s the sign of a great team. They definitely have what it takes to be a champion so you have to respect that. They’ve very, very tough. It’s going to be a big challenge for us.”
But now Schaub (my roomate is half illiterate and calls him Schwabb not on purpose, and it is hilarious, so I think I may from here on out refer to him as Shwabb) starts to feel left out and he wants his turn...

CSNNE
"They’re a very physical, stout group," said Schaub. "They understand their scheme well. A lot of veteran guys have played a lot of football in that group. They can rush the passer. They can stop the run. They can do a little bit of everything." 
"It’s a combination of a lot of things," said Schaub. "They’re very aware of the football and trying to strip it, whether it be the runners or receivers with the ball or the quarterback in the pocket. Their secondary, they’re very well coached as far as patterns and recognizing routes and being able to get their hands on the football, as well as some tipped balls, which, we have a lot of those for our defense as well. The defensive line and the front for New England, they do a great job of trying to get their hands up if they can and tip some balls to defenders."
And now Vince gets to be the receiver instead of the giver.

Herald
“The thing is, you’ve been seeing it for years,” Texans coach Gary Kubiak said. “He’s very consistent in his play. Bill (Belichick) plays him all over the place, so it’s not like you’re going to know where he’s going to be. He’s a little bit of everywhere, whether it’s the nose, the 3-(technique) or whatever he’s playing. He’s a dominant force in there and has been his whole career. I’ll tell you the thing as a coach just watching film that I really love and respect about his game, he loves to play. He brings a lot of energy to his team. You can tell he’s a leader. When they need big plays, he’s the one leading the way. I just have the utmost respect for him, and it’s a big, big challenge for us upfront.” 
“I think he’s extremely athletic for such a big man,” Kubiak said. “Heck, I just left a special teams meeting and watched him rush a punter. There’s no telling how he’s going to be involved in the game, but he’s a huge factor week in and week out. He plays all over the place, so all of our guys will probably go against him upfront somehow, someway because of the many places that he plays. He’s going to make plays and hopefully at the end of the day, they’re not big, big plays. He’s found a way to cause some big turnovers, too, along the way. He’s a huge factor every week for them. He’s obviously a leader for them and what they do.”
Last but not least, JJ Watt gets his from BB.

Globe
“He certainly makes a lot of plays in the 3-4 defense, he has excellent quickness, and he’s long, so he does a good job rushing against everybody,” said Patriots coach Bill Belichick in a teleconference Tuesday. “He’s very effective because of his speed and quickness and his length and his instincts. He’s really a complete player, he does everything well.” 
“That’s a career number for a lot of defensive linemen — 15 in one season is remarkable, really,” Belichick said. “If he’s getting to the quarterback and knocking him down, that’s one thing. If he’s not, if he’s getting double-teamed . . . he’s also been very disruptive in not only knocking down balls, but some of those have resulted in interceptions. That number of batted balls is, I’d say, an extremely high number.”
Can we just go back to the good old days of people talking massive amounts of shit to each other? I liked those better. As always, follow me @CultOfBelichick