It was a Bizarro Week Redux in the Fantasy Football World. An Eagles quarterback not named Vick had a record setting day, Tom Brady's demise was greatly exaggerated, the Kansas City defense outscored the offense and a coach collapsed on the sideline - which may or not have been caused by watching his own team.

Just another week in National Football League. 
Let’s check the Fantasy Fix 5 up/5 down position-by-position from Week 9:

Five Up
1. The Crown Royal Reign On Player of the Week: Nick Foles, QB, 45.64 Fantasy points: Foles went all Y.A. Tittle and completed 22-of-28 passes for 408 yards with a record tying seven touchdowns. Foles should just drop the mic and walk off now. If he throws seven TDs in the next three games combined I'll deep fry my turban and eat it with a side of ranch dressing.
2. Andre Johnson, WR, 40.90 points: Andre 2013 grabbed nine passes for 229 yards and three scores. The Texans still lost and coach Gary Kubiak did not take it well. Too soon?

3. Zac StacyRB, 29.80 points: Stacy rushed 27 times for 127 yards, two TDs and added six catches for 51 yards. Zac is ready to be your starting running back now. Light some candles, put on some Barry White and hold him close.  
4. Jimmy Graham, TE, 23.60 points: Graham caught nine passes for 116 yards and two touchdowns. He did this all on one foot. One amazing Saintly foot. The kind of foot Rex Ryan dreams about. 
5. Kansas City Chiefs, DEF, 22.00 points: The KC defense scored 14 points. The KC offense scored 9. KC is undefeated. KC and the Sunshine Band. I'm your boogie man. That is all.  
Five Down
5. Ray Rice, RB, 3.80 points: Ray Rice was once a dominant footballer. Dinosaurs once roamed the Earth. Someday we will marvel at his fossils. 

Aaron Rodgers, QB, 1.98 Fantasy points: Rodgers fell down, hurt his collarbone and was lost for the game. Rodgers' Fantasy owners are currently resting comfortably after being found with their head in the oven. It was an electric stove. Just singed their eye brows. 
3. Vincent Jackson, WR, 1.90 points: Riley Cooper scores 40 Fantasy points and Jackson gets one. Bizarro week. 
2. Jordan Cameron, TE, 0.40 points: Fantasy stud to Fantasy dud. It's a Cinderella story. I think he traded in his helmet for a tiara. 
1. Oakland Raiders, DEF, -2.00 points: Who started the Raiders D? You are no longer allowed to play Fantasy Football. May I introduce you to Fantasy Ballroom dancing. 

Have a Fantasy Football or ballroom dancing question? Follow the Guru on Twitter @TheGuruGS

The Guru 11/05/2013 04:10:00 AM Edit

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