The official countdown to Super Bowl XLVIII has begun. Super Bowl Sunday is akin to a holiday across America and will be watched by more than 200 million people worldwide. If you don't watch you're a red blooded commie bastard. Or Canadian.
However, not everyone that watches is a die-hard football fan. With that in mind, here’s:
Everything you always wanted to know about Super Bowl XLVIII (but were afraid to ask)
Who’s playing? You’re really not a football fan are you? The Denver Broncos face the Seattle Seahawks. The Broncos will be the home team and wear their orange jerseys and white pants. The Seahawks will wear white jerseys and blue pants with some sort of neon green stripe. Neon? Don’t ask.
Where is the game being played? Super Bowl XLVIII will be played at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey in what will be the NFL’s first Super Bowl played outdoors in a cold weather city. This year’s game could become the Polar Vortex Bowl.
What’s the weather forecast? Cold. High of 45, low of 25 degrees. 25% chance of snow, 1% chance of Richard Sherman getting his tongue frozen to the flagpole.
What time does it start? The actual kickoff is scheduled for 6:25 p.m. ET. The pregame has entered its 288th hour.
What’s the Roman numeral translation? Didn’t you learn that in middle school? This is Super Bowl 48.
Who’s the favorite to win? The oddsmakers in Las Vegas have the Denver Broncos 2 1/2 point favorites. Don’t want to bet on the game? Vegas also offers a number of prop bets including what color Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach and whether Justin Bieber will get arrested at the game.
How much do tickets cost? The cheapest tickets are currently going for $2,500 on the secondary market. Luxury Suites are being sold for a cool $1 million. For the first Super Bowl, the prices were $6, $8, $12 and for $20 you could actually play in the game.
What network is it on? FOX Sports has the rights to this year’s game. It will be the networks eighth Super Bowl broadcast. Animal Planet has Puppy Bowl X if that’s more your thing.
How many people watch the game? 108 million watched last season, making the game the third most-watched program in U.S. television history. 11 people watched the Puppy Bowl.
How much does a commercial cost? People get as excited for the commercials as they do the game. FOX is charging $4 million for one 30 second commercial. Look for commercials from Arnold Schwarzenegger playing ping pong, Danica Patrick in a muscle suit, and a car full of muppets. Hey, whatever happened to the Budweiser frogs? See those chicken wings? Dig in.
Who is the entertainment? Singer Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers will be the halftime performers. Opera singer Renee Fleming will perform the national anthem. No “wardrobe malfunctions” are expected from her, but watch out if the Chili Peppers whip out the tube socks.
How much do the players get? Winning team members get $92,000 each. The losers get $46,000. The hot dog vendors get $45 and free cocoa.
How many footballs do they use? Wilson Sporting Goods sends 108 special Super Bowl footballs to the game. There are also five “golden footballs” that allow the finders a tour of Willy Goodell’s Football Factory and a lifetime supply of concussions.
When was the first Super Bowl? The first Super Bowl was played January 15, 1967 between the NFL’s Green Bay Packers and the AFL’s Kansas City Chiefs at Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles. The final score was Green Bay, 35 and Kansas City, 10. The game was not, however, called “The Super Bowl.” Back then it was known as “The Big Ol’ Oval Ball Extravaganza.” The name didn’t stick, thankfully.
Who has won the most Super Bowls? The Pittsburgh Steelers have won six championships. There’s something to be proud of, Pittsburgh.
Who has lost the most Super Bowls? The Minnesota Vikings, Buffalo Bills and the Denver Broncos are tied for most Super Bowl losses with 4. This exclusive club has a secret handshake. Just make an “L” with your fingers and hold it up to your forehead. There is also a certain New England team...never mind.
What is the Lombardi Trophy? The winning team gets the Vince Lombardi Trophy, fittingly named after the late Green Bay Packers coach Vince Lombardi. It’s a sterling silver trophy created by Tiffany & Company and contains bits of real Lombardi in it.
Who gets Super Bowl rings? The NFL pays for up to 150 rings at $5,000 per ring. The NFL also provides 150 pieces of jewelry to the losing team which can be purchased at the Dollar Tree of the team’s choice.
Where to watch the game? 9 out of 10 people watch the game at home, at a friend’s house or, in the case of Tom Brady, on Gisele’s lap.
What’s the most popular Super Bowl party food? American will consume approximately 47 million tons of burgers, hot dogs, chips, salsa, dip, popcorn, corn dogs and Hot Pockets. However, 1.23 billion Buffalo wings will be eaten on game day. Those poor now flightless buffalo.
Who to watch for?
Richard Sherman: Expect to hear a lot about the Seahawks trash-talking, outspoken cornerback before the game, during the game and after the game. Here’s hoping for some postgame WWE-style ranting.
Peyton Manning: The Broncos quarterback who is making a massive comeback from neck surgery that once threatened his career is playing for his second Super Bowl win and his legacy. Don’t be alarmed when he yells, “Omaha” 467 times during the game.
Russell Wilson: The Seahawks quarterback is the young calm, cool and collected gunslinger that was also a pretty good baseball player way back when. I hope he hits a home run! You don’t watch football do you?
Wes Welker: The diminutive (he's only 4'7") wide receiver and former Patriot currently on the rotten list in New England, is looking for his first Super Bowl championship. He’s also easy to spot on the field. He’s the player wearing the Spaceballs helmet.
Pete Carroll: Carroll is the overly enthusiastic Seahawks head coach that can usually be seen seen getting "jacked" and "pumped" as he struts up and down the sidelines. Pete is playing for a legacy of his own here as he looks to become the first coach in history to win a college National Championship, a Super Bowl and the 2009 Mr. Banana Hammock title.
Donald Trump: The Trump is expected to be at the game and if the wind gets whipping around that hair he could very well take flight.
Hope this helped, my fellow athletic supporters. See you Sunday, we'll crack a few cold ones, fire up the flat screen and dig into those Buffalo wings. Feel free to pass this on to your less football-minded friends – namely your girlfriend. Maybe she’ll put on that little cheerleader outfit you got for her last Valentine’s Day.
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