Best week ever / Worst week ever: Week 11
BEST WEEK EVER
Ask and you shall receive. Last week one of my needs was for the The Chef to have a big game and get back in the end zone after taking the top off the defense, and that’s exactly what he did. I’m on record saying that Cooks hasn’t been stellar this year by his own standard. At his current rate, he’s on pace to fall shy of 78 rec, 1,178 yards, and 8 tuddies, which would be just his second best career year. I’m not over here complaining about Cooks, just stating the numbers. There is no denying however that Sunday afternoon Cooks looked ELITE.
For the first time all season it looked like Cooks was playing off of his defenders game plan. In the second quarter Cooks saw a double team sitting tight on him in coverage, and he used his pure speed to blow past Reggie Nelson and D.J. Carrie for a monster completion. To start the third, Cooks saw a single high safety and had either a seam read or a go route. When he saw Obi Melifonwu’s eyes wandering into the backfield when he had no secondary help, Cooks gave him a classic “welcome to the majors Mr. Hobbs” moment and absolutely scorched him. I’ve been waiting for that all season and god damn it was it sweet.
WORST WEEK EVER
That was as complete of a team win as we’ve seen all season. All three phases for the Patriots looked sharp and played a full 60 minutes of football. For that reason, none of them had a bad week. I could say Mike Gilleslee because Dion Lewis has essentially kicked him out on the street with no food and shelter, but I’m not in the mood for that today. This week’s honor goes to that sad sack of shit, Mark Davis.
My god man. What in the actual hell are you doing?? It’s socially accepted that when you’re as rich as Scrooge McDuck, you can pretty much look however you want. Steve Jobs rocked his New Balances, Mark Zuckerberg famously dresses like a boring asshole on a daily basis, and Arthur Blank is apparently unaware that pinstriped baggy suits haven’t been cool since collecting Beanie Babies.We are all Mark Davis crushing Cheetos. pic.twitter.com/GQyualajUf— Toucher and Rich (@Toucherandrich) November 19, 2017
This look by Mark Davis is completely unacceptable. It legitimately looks like something is wrong with him. Mark Davis is about 3 more bags of Cheetos from completely turning into Sloth from The Goonies. To be fair things aren’t going that well for the guy. The city of Oakland is pissed at you for abandoning them and moving the team to Vegas.
To make matters worse the poor guy has to stay in Oakland for the time being. That’s like breaking up with your significant other after telling them they aren’t good looking enough, and then you have to live in the same house as them for another year. So while I don’t blame him for looking like his face his melting off his skull, having a haircut that makes Lloyd Christmas look like Steve Harrington, and shoving so many Cheetos into your gullet that your fingers will be permanently stained orange, he’s still utterly humiliating himself. When you’re getting taxed 33-8, you 1000000% cannot look like this.
**Official David Harris snap count through week 11: 96
**Weekly “Is David Harris alive?”: He may just be our savior