My advice to the Patriots, don't ever use a video camera ever again, ever
Duke Downey, The Chronicle
So, I may be the oldest in years on staff, but as a good bar patron once told me, "it's not the years, it's the mileage." He of course was talking about a young lass who maybe, let's say liked the fellas. Who am I kidding, she was being passed around like a bowl at a Phish concert, she'd admit it, so don't gimme no guff. Now, I still don't see myself as "old". I am in shape, my wife is hot, I can lift way more than you Smitty, so don't even bring it up. But.......but.....the friggin Patriots have put more mileage on the 2 brain cells in my head than my '87 Pontiac Grand Am. Well, it's more like the rest of the NFL fanbase, ESPN and Roger Goodell. I've been fighting the good fight on Twitter for so long, I'm getting the 1,000 yard stare. I'm starting to snap and almost getting into fights with strangers on the street wearing another teams gear. I champion people like Barstool's Dave Portnoy, a grizzled vet of the battle on the front line. I am calling for the Patriots to go completely analog. Ditch all video equipment, computers, cell phones, everything. Make all reporters wear a bowler hat with their credentials on the brim, call them Scoop.
Or, I am calling on you young bucks, ladies and gents. Let's go all out attack. I am calling for reinforcements. Your uncle TC is tired, beat up, knocked down. But, I'm gettin back up, wiping the blood from my eyes, blowing a snot rocket and I'll never go down without a fight. Help me call out ESPN for their hypocrisy, biased reporting and LeBron James ball washing. They are so close to having another buffoon crying on live TV, a la Mark Brunell. The rest of the country's sports reporters are getting away with murder by disparaging the Patriots once again. Pick up the flag Pauly, help us. DO YOUR JOB!
I get knocked down, but I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down. Follow me on Twitter @tc1three