Drunken Ramblings: Week 6

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4 and 2.

4 and 2.

4 and 2.

Just keep saying it over and over to yourself until you feel better.

While not very much has looked like the killing machine we hoped we'd be this year, at least our record is moving in the right direction. We have plenty to figure out. That much is clear. But football games, like President Bush-es, are better when they come with a Dubya.

I thought I made myself very clear last week. Tom is allowed two picks on the season. I questioned his decision to use up his first one in week 5. Felt a little bit like using a time out during odd numbered quarters. Traditionally a no-no. Then he goes and uses up his second pick the following week??? Against the JETS? What gives, Tommy? He didn't have his best night out there, minus a few key throws, and I was ready to lay into him for this performance. But then it hit me. He is demanding excellence out of himself moving forward. A pick in week 5, then another in say week 13, yea that's cool. But no picks after week 6? That's dominant. So he used up his last pick for the season yesterday as a challenge. He's got none left. Ts and Ps to all the secondaries we play the rest of the way.

Real quick, I did think that should have been PI on the interception. Flip Dorsett got hit in the back and was having his arm raked down before the ball got there. I didn't love the decision on the throw either way, but I would like to see a flag there. Same with the ball to Gronk in the end zone later in the game. If a linebacker doesn't turn around to find the ball and throws his arms up in Gronk's face while running into him before the pass gets there it has to be a flag. Every time. It's a tough rule to officiate, but come on. The flag they actually did throw for PI against Gronk was the cheapest of the bunch! I know they don't want to turn Sunday into laundry day out there, but it's not my fault the Jets stink.

Another random complaint I have is Dan Fouts is a horses' ass. He hates the Pats. It's a joke. Nothing is ever a penalty if it's a Jets infraction. Everything is a penalty if we're the guilty party. Brady took a head shot on the play when he got pissed and slammed his fist into the ground, but Fouts thought it was a great hit. That guy can get bent. I'm actually excited to have Al Michaels with his Harvey Weinstein jokes and Chris "arrrrrrrre youuuuuuu kiddddddding meeeeeee" Collinsworth on Sunday night.

The Jets came into this one with the 85th (number approx.) ranked run defense in the league. Wit all my bitching about run/pass balance I expected this to be a great opportunity to get the ground game going. After we went down 7 early we were moving it on our second possession. Then disaster struck. Gilly fumbled on the Jets 27 yard line, and he was NEVER. SEEN. AGAIN. I mean, technically he was, but he spent the next 34 offensive snaps riding pine. It's a tale as old as time. Bill wont stand for it. I wont stand for it. Protect the god damn ball. Gilly has been running hard lately, and Bill and I both think he's really close to having a breakout game, but talk about 1 step forward 50 steps back. At least Gilly knows what he can be for Halloween this year.

And how about that sneaky sonnabitch DIDI! Are you back, bro?? Once Gilly fumbled up his playing time, DIDI was rewarded with a team high, and his season high, 29 snaps. He had 52 yards on 11 carries and a tuddy and looked damn good doing it. Reiss was even saying DIDI could start demanding lead back responsibilities. I don't think they will ever hand him the reigns completely, since Gilly and Burk will always get their touches, but if he keeps showing these pre acl flashes he might be the first back out of the gate moving forward. Can he stay healthy with lead back touches?? I dont know! But I know when that redhead starts getting kooky that something about me feels alive inside!

The Chef and Hoags played just about every snap for the wide outs. Hoags finally came back down to earth but I have no worries about his production moving forward. And I gotta give it to Cookie. That's two weeks in a row he has done exactly what I asked of him. Could it be that he's...gasp... getting better each week??? Lookout Cook Out in the second half of the year if he keeps trending up. DinDin went for 93 yards on 6 catches, including that 42 yard DIME from Tommy (his second best throw of the game. His best was the third down throw to Dola that would have iced the game that Danny dropped) to set up the game tying score at the end of the half. Cookie had that early drop on his first target and I started spewing hate speak at him that would get me fired from any job not in Hollywood. But he turned it around immediately and made the catch of the game.

Gronk used his extra week of rest to get his leg right and it showed. He makes a big difference. DUH. He had a team high 10 targets and turned those into 83 yards on 6 catches and two tuddies. I love when we get down by the goal line and we're like "yo we're throwing to Gronk 3 straight times. Break." that's what it looked like at the end of the half, and we connected on the second try. His catch radius is so wide, his hands are so big, it doesn't take much to create enough separation to get him "open." I love our shifty little wide outs but until Money Mitch is back we neeeeeed Gronk in the red area to keep turning those trips into tuddies.

Another under the radar quality about Gronk is he so often seems to be the guy that gets the team rolling when we start slow. In the super bowl it was Gronk's huge third down catch when it was 28-3 that got us going on that drive. He did it against the Hawks too. And he had another 25 yarder in the second quarter yesterday when it was 14-0 and we looked rusty as hell. Its like when you're not sure if you're gonna drink all day, but then you have one cold beer and the next thing you know you're in a blackout. Defenses have the Pats struggling, then they give up one big third down Gronk catch. The next thing they know they're coming out of their blackout and we have 24 points.

I want to give a quick shout out to the blitz pickup in this game too. James wiggle White and DIDI put their noses into the chest of some big ass dudes with absolutely no fear. On Gronk's second tuddy Wiggle bought Tommy the time he needed to make that throw and turn the drive into 7. Plays like that are rarely noticed but these motor boating sons of bitches earn their playing time with plays like that. (Two Wedding Crashers references JO?? Uh, yea. I have a question for you, what do you like better? Christmas or Wedding Season? The answer would be, um, Wedding Season.)

The Stevie G miss pissed me off but I kind of felt like he was due for one? It was a 47 yarder and he had hit 12 straight. Just don't make it a habit, buddy. It's fine if I only smoke cigs when I'm drinking. Once you're leaving the office for lunch just so you can smoke on the way we've got problems. I'll have my eye on you Sunday night.

The defense was.......better?? I guess?? Any time Josh McCown throws for 354 yards against you something is clearly not right, but they made some plays. Malcolm had at least one coverage breakdown, and one poorly timed jumping of a route that led to the Kerley tuddy, but he did have a monster pick at the end of the half to set up our horse shoe and essentially save the game, plus he had his hand in the ASJ incident. With Johnson I'm Bademosi playing opposite him all night due to Rowe and Gilmore's excused absences, I expected this one to get ugly in the air against us. At the end of the day, I definitely wouldn't call it pretty back there, but I probably would have had sex with it.

The versatility of our safeties showed up big time with all the corners out. We even saw a significant number of snaps for our long lost second round pick Jordan Richards. For every 'reach turned into role player' Duron Harmon's, there are for more Tavon Wilson's out there. I'll be interested to see where Richards ends up. Spoiler alert: It's the latter.

Dev, pick off another pass on fourth down. See what happens. You're lucky it only cost us a few yards.

Alan Branch returned from his staycation last week and played 22 snaps, well behind Brown and Guy. I really wanted his benching to send a message that he needs to be held accountable. Instead, he just held the Jets. His defensive holding play was pretty much the only time I heard his name called all night. I'm still staying woke on him not ending the season as a Patriot.

OK, OK, I buried the lead again. Let's talk about the touchback. To be honest I don't have too much to say. It was a huge play in the game, and I was admittedly shocked by the call. I don't know if that's because of what the ref was actually saying, or if it's because CBS played a commercial on the screen and made us listen to the call over the PA system like we were sitting in the bleeders with our winter hat over our ears. Interesting move.

Here's what happened. Malcolm punched the ball loose. ASJ regained control. People keep saying the ball never hit the ground but that doesn't matter at all. Here's the NFL Rule Book's two cents:

"A fumble may be advanced by any player on either team regardless of whether recovered before or after the ball hits the ground. A fumble that goes forward and out of bounds will return to the fumbling team at the spot of the fumble unless the ball goes out of bounds in the opponent's end zone. In the case, it is a touchback."

So yea, ASJ fumbled. He recovered his own fumble. He is allowed to advance it. Did he land in bounds or out of bounds is the ONLY question. If you think he landed out of bounds, by rule, its a touchback. If he landed in bounds its a touchdown. End of story.

Watching the replay, I actually thought he landed in bounds. From what I was reading today the refs are claiming there was another replay we didn't get to see where ASJ bobbles the ball a SECOND time. If that's true, then yea, hes probably out. For me, I just couldn't believe they overturned the call. Again, if this mystery replay exists I reserve the right to take this back, but from the views I saw you couldn't see shit. If the call on the field had been touchback and they made it a tuddy I would be equally confused. If I'm Jets fan, first of all kill me, and second of all that's what I'd be mad about. The overturn. But also, kill me.

You know how everyone is saying that Dwayne Allen is great at blocking so its OK if he doesn't catch any passes? Well, it's not OK at all. But that's what people are saying. So kindly explain to me why Dwayne played 6 snaps in this game, and when we went to the two tight end package, we chose to bring in  LaAdrian Waddle at left tackle and declare Solder eligible at TE. Which means Solder had to sit out the next play before he can return to his position on the oline. Obviously Solder is not going out to run a route, despite our declaration. No threat there. The defense can essentially sell out for a run, and if its play action they don't have to cover him. We did this four times. How bad can Dwayne Allen be? Every girl that trades nudes with me over the phone has had a better return on her pic than we've gotten on that 4th for Dwayne, and trust me, they are quite disappointed.

In conclusion, hey Dwayne Allen. Go fuck yourself.