What a Humongous day. My love letter to Tom Brady

Lord Humungus

Dear Tom,

As I write you this letter, the world seems to be ending, both metaphorically and like, really.  When we first met, we were both immature kids right out of college.  I was bartending at the time, bragging to my friends about the fresh faced new gunslinger for the Patriots.  I can't remember how many people I neglected at the bar as I watched you step up for an established, franchise quarterback who was knocked out of a game only to embark on a career that would be known as the greatest of all time.  Sure, we had our bad times.  Gap year as I call it, where we weren't really responsible with our, how you say, dicks.  I had the goth Gabby stage, you, Tara Reid.  We made it through though.  I went on to meet the future Mrs TC and you, a tad more complicated, but luscious love life and family life.

As you won that third Super Bowl title, I remember thinking I don't deserve you as I wept into a booze filled blackout.  Time went on, we both married and settled down.  Focused on our careers, we then set out to become the men we were intended.  We were going through our thirties, learning more, becoming grizzled and hardened, we realized, we want more.  It was then, we began our second act together.  You went on to win anther Super Bowl against Seattle, then as a follow up, beat Atlanta in what was the greatest Super Bowl of all time.  Mrs TC and I were both pacing back and forth in our living room in that fourth quarter.  I, feeling the intensity of the moment once tried to go for a walk to calm down.  Mrs TC quickly sensed the gravity of the situation and said simply, "it's Tom Brady, he's gonna win."  It was the proverbial shot of adrenaline, right in the ass that I needed.  We watched, broke shit, threw shit, swore like sailors and celebrated in the utmost ecstasy, rivaling the myths of Caligula.

You then went on to win possibly the most boring Super Bowl of all time against the Rams, but a ring is a ring, and sir, you got six.  Six!!!  As you leave this region in search of your final act, I bid you farewell and good fortune.  I will still wear my Michigan #10 jersey as Mrs TC wears her throwback Patriots #12 jersey.  We are not only die hard Patriots fans, we are die hard Tom Brady fans, for life.  You've given us 20 years of your life for not only a lifetime of memories, but multi-generational.  We will never see another like you, ever.  I am so grateful of the time we had together, I simply cannot repay you, but I promise to defend you for all my time on this earth.  I wish I could always protect you from stupid people out there, but there are many.  If you need someone to do dirty work, I'm here for you, and bruh, I'm fuckin huge.  There is only one that can be the greatest, and pally, it's you.

With love and respect,
Not pissa,

For christ sake, follow me on Twitter @tc1three